Day 15- part 2 the warrior cracks

Did 6mins in the machine then saw the docs. Usually it’s Dr E, the radiology oncologist, and her 2 male side-kick docs. One is a med student, very quiet but as sweet as he can be, he once slipped my shoes back on my feet after an appt. Today however Dr E came in with 2 female docs. So myself and 3 female doctors. That’s a lot of estrogen and maybe exactly what I needed today. If you read part 1 you know that last night wasn’t great and I didn’t sleep well at all :/ We did the usual check in with questions of how the weekend went and then the exam. Dr E said to me ‘I’m trying to gauge how you are doing.’ That’s when it happened. In that small room. Filled with estrogen and caring females. I let my liquid armor fall. Tears. Don’t take it the wrong way please. It isn’t weakness. The warrior often cracks and breaks. And the warrior gets exhausted. Sometimes the warrior needs a ton of support and reassurance. They put hands on me and told me how wonderful I was doing. How this is hard. This is a hard and sensitive area to treat. One deep breath in and out, and I said ‘Almost Halfway finished!’ Today was the start of week 3! On Friday we will be halfway done. We decide to add a new cream that has lidocaine so I can get more relief. Sticking with Tylenol for now to help get through the nights. Stronger pain meds are available when I’m ready. Also every day this week after radiation I will have skin care appointments with a nurse. Dr E said ‘Let us take care of you while you are already here.’ I look forward to rest and sleep.

A few words about the warrior’s husband. He needs sleep too. He keeps busy. He keeps himself available. He is so tuned in that one look at my face and he knows if something is wrong or off. Holding his hand is pain relief. Day or night. I protect him from a lot of this so he won’t ever remember. He respects and knows I’ve got this. He is the rock. A warrior always has a tribe. And the warrior always has a rock.

Published by mhaensgen

Welcome to my tribe. I was diagnosed with anal cancer 2/23/21, then found out it was caused by HPV. This is the journey.

2 thoughts on “Day 15- part 2 the warrior cracks

  1. You are definitely a warrior and Greg is also very strong. You compliment each other and is a very strong bond. I had minor breakdowns also but that is normal. You’ve got this Megan. Love you!!!❤❤❤

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  2. You know we are all going through as much as we can with you. Tears cleanse. Tears relieve. Tears bond. We’re all bonding with you and each other. You are touching lives in ways you never imagined. You shine my sunshine ☀️ ❣️

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