Day 11 when am I cancer free?

My apology for skipping day 10 but I ran out of time and one of the teenagers invited me to their room while they did homework. It’s my policy to always accept the invitations of my teenagers! (Speaking of the teenagers- they are doing well 😍)

Doing fine here. Yesterday the techs said Dr E wants to ‘adjust the plan’. Was hoping that meant 3 weeks radiation instead of 6, or some equally cool adjustment… it really just meant they packed ‘material’ around my tumor today before radiation. I like routine and I like to know what to expect. When the plan changes I get thrown ‘off’. Today’s change wasn’t pleasant or unpleasant compared to other experiences during this process but it does mean radiation gets very concentrated into that area. That sounds good to me. Had my 6mins and went on my way. Still knee deep in dealing with my skin. It’s a full time job at this point. Soak, dry, apply barrier cream. Repeat several times a day. They are wonderful about giving me lots of products. Powder for the soaks, creams etc. for the skin. Pain scale- I’m at a 1,1.5 maybe.

I started wondering something a few days back… when am I cancer free? Who decides? Who tells me? Does a scan decide? Because I don’t think I get repeat scans for months after radiation. These questions swirled around for only a few days before I found MY answer. I am cancer free, yesterday. And the day before that and the day before that. Looking forward, all the cells of my body are listening to my mind. My mind says I am cancer free. I am cancer free. I believe it. It’s MY truth. Right now and going forward. We treated the cancer cells and they are already dead or got the memo and are dying. When I’m in the machine, I use a portion of those 6mins to do clean up work. With a deep breath in I collect all the cells the warrior destroyed and with the exhale I push them out of my body. Repeat. Healthy beautiful cells forming in their place. Cells that believe what I believe. Cells ready to move forward. I rarely say out loud ‘I have C*%#¥~’ only when we informed people before treatment and on occasion when there’s a joke that can be made at it’s expense. Sometimes I just refer to it as ‘c’ so I don’t even have to see or spell the word. 👆🏻 All my thoughts! Night.

Published by mhaensgen

Welcome to my tribe. I was diagnosed with anal cancer 2/23/21, then found out it was caused by HPV. This is the journey.

One thought on “Day 11 when am I cancer free?

  1. Nice visualization work! Mind – heart – body coherence!
    “My cells listen to me and their new flight instructions!”
    Love it – fly away into the new, the beautiful bliss, the whole me, the sun kissed me. (Sun burn joke)


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